Hot Flushes and Fluidity: Menopause Through a Bisexual Lens

As it’s Pride Month, I thought it was the perfect time to throw open the closet doors (again), wave a slightly sweaty rainbow fan, and talk about something that doesn’t often get airtime—what it’s like going through menopause as a bisexual woman. Because let’s face it: hormones don’t care about labels, but society often does. And navigating hot flushes, brain fog, and identity all at once? Well, that’s a very specific kind of spicy.

Fancy Dressing it up for PRIDE x

Now, menopause is never just hot flushes and forgotten car keys. It’s a multi-sensory, often sweaty rollercoaster of identity, hormones, and self-reflection. And when you throw bisexuality into the mix, things can get even more spicy—and not in a “romantic weekend in Brighton” kind of way (although, frankly, that sounds ideal right now).

For those of us who identify as bisexual, menopause can stir the pot in ways we weren’t entirely expecting. It can shine a big disco-ball spotlight on how we’ve experienced sexuality, relationships, healthcare, and work life—and how those experiences now need re-evaluating in this new, hormone-fuelled chapter.

Let’s unpack that, shall we?

More Than Just a Phase: Menopause and Bi-Erasure

If you’re bisexual and menopausal, you may be familiar with invisibility from both camps. Menopause is often seen through a heteronormative lens—cue leaflets with cisgender straight couples looking slightly worried over mugs of camomile tea. Meanwhile, bisexuality is still misunderstood by many as “a phase” or something one "grows out of.”

What happens when you're firmly in your forties or fifties, definitely not in a phase, and still navigating your identity while also questioning whether you just had a hot flush or someone turned the heating on?

Recent research by Westwood (2024) shows that sexual minority women—including bisexual women—frequently experience heteronormative bias in healthcare, especially around menopause. GPs often assume a woman’s partner is male, and fail to ask inclusive questions. It can feel like squeezing a bright, brilliant identity into a beige, tick-box form—and leaving all the colour out.

Hormones and Who Am I Now?

Perimenopause can mess with your memory, your emotions, your libido—and yes, even how you experience your sense of self. It’s no wonder many bisexual people find themselves reflecting on their sexual and romantic histories with new eyes.

You may have spent years playing it safe in straight-passing relationships, or felt you had to “pick a side.” Menopause can stir up questions like:

• What parts of my identity have I put on hold?

• Do I still feel desire—and for whom?

• Am I allowed to change?

  
  

Spoiler alert: you are. And you don’t need to have all the answers. Part of the joy (yes, joy!) of this life stage is the freedom to re-write the rules. No one said you had to be done discovering who you are at 50. Frankly, this is when many of us are just getting started.

As one participant in Hayfield et al’s 2024 study put it:

“It was like waking up to myself. Suddenly I wasn’t looking after everyone else’s expectations—I was figuring out what I wanted. That included revisiting my sexuality.”

In the Workplace: The Bi Menopause Shuffle

Let’s not forget the career angle—this is, after all, a coaching website. In the workplace, menopausal women often feel overlooked, undervalued, or judged for taking a breath mid-presentation because their heart rate just leapt into space.

Now imagine layering on the experiences of being part of the LGBTQ+ community—maybe you’re not out at work. Maybe you’ve faced biphobia. Maybe you’re just exhausted from juggling all the code-switching and wardrobe changes required to be ‘professional’ and palatable.

According to a 2023 report from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD), over a quarter of UK women aged 40–60 said menopause had a negative impact on their career progression. Add the psychological strain of identity suppression, and it’s no wonder many bisexual women reach midlife feeling utterly burnt out.

So, what’s the answer?

• Talk about it. Visibility matters.

• Push for inclusive menopause policies that support LGBTQ+ employees.

• Find your allies—queer or otherwise.

Sex, Sleep and Rediscovery

Menopause often comes with libido changes—sometimes it disappears altogether, sometimes it flares up like a 90s power ballad. Whatever happens, the bisexual experience of desire is rarely straightforward, and menopause invites (read: forces) us to explore what intimacy looks like now.

Maybe penetrative sex is suddenly off the cards. Maybe you feel more interested in women than men—or vice versa—or no one at all. That’s OK.

Menopause doesn’t mean the end of pleasure. It means re-negotiating it. Communicating more. Experimenting with toys, touch, language, connection. Getting curious again.

The Power of Bi Visibility in Midlife

Being a visible bisexual person in midlife is radical. So many of us were taught to tone it down—to not rock the boat. But you being you, fully and fabulously, creates space for others to breathe.

Community matters. Whether you find it in an LGBTQ+ walking group, an online support circle, or just one mate who “gets it”, connection is crucial. Sharing your truth can remind someone else they’re not alone.

And if you’ve never had a queer community before? It’s never too late to start. You’re allowed to show up now—in Pride Month or any month—and say, “Actually, this is me.”

So Where Do We Go From Here?

Here’s what I’ve learned as a bi woman in menopause:

• Your identity is valid at every age.

• Menopause may knock you sideways, but it can also be a portal to deeper self-understanding.

• There is strength in vulnerability, and power in telling the full, unabridged story.

So this Pride Month, I’m not just waving a rainbow flag—I’m fanning myself with it. Loud, proud, and slightly sweaty (especially in Polyester), but still standing. Because menopause might take your oestrogen, but it doesn’t take your spark.

#MenopauseAndPride #BiAndMenopausal #PauseAndEmpower #QueerWellbeing #MenopauseMatters #LGBTQInMidlife #CareerConfidence #PrideInMidlife

UK-Based References

1. Westwood, S. (2024) – “GP services are still heteronormative”: Sexual minority cisgender women's experiences of UK menopause healthcare. Health Equity. SAGE Journals

2. CIPD (2023) – Menopause in the Workplace: Over a quarter of UK women say menopause negatively impacted their career progression. CIPD Press Release

3. Hayfield, N., Moore, H. & Terry, G. (2024) – “Friends? Supported. Partner? Not so much”: Women’s experiences of relationships during perimenopause and menopause. Feminism & Psychology. SAGE Journals