WHEN LIFE CHANGES YOUR CAREER BEFORE YOU'RE READY.

Sometimes your career changes because you decide it is time for something different.

You update your CV. You tell your friends. You buy a suspiciously optimistic notebook and start making plans. Perhaps you even have a Pinterest board entitled “My Fabulous New Life”. ✨

But what happens when the change chooses you?

Redundancy. Bereavement. Ill health. Divorce. Caring responsibilities. A relationship ending. A relocation. Organisational restructuring. A promotion you never wanted. Or simply waking up one morning and realising that the career you built no longer fits the person you have become.

These changes can leave you feeling as though somebody has moved the furniture in your life while you were asleep.

And sometimes, underneath the uncertainty, there is grief.

With National Grief Awareness Day on 30 August, it is worth recognising something we don't talk about nearly enough: career change and grief can be very close companions.

THE GRIEF WE DON'T ALWAYS RECOGNISE

We tend to associate grief with bereavement. Someone dies, we mourn, people understand.

But there are plenty of losses that don't come with a funeral, sympathy cards or someone bringing round a lasagne.

Losing a job can mean losing routine, status, colleagues, financial security and a sense of purpose. Leaving a profession can mean losing an identity you have spent decades building. Even a positive career change can involve grieving the future you thought you were going to have.

Mind Body Seven's article, “Grief Over Life Changes: Coping With Loss of a Job, Relationship, or Identity”, highlights this idea of “non-death grief”, including the loss of roles, routines, security and identity.

That matters because you don't need to justify your feelings by proving that your situation is objectively terrible.

Your loss is your loss.

You can be relieved to leave a toxic workplace and still grieve the people you worked with. You can know redundancy wasn't your fault and still feel rejected. You can choose to leave a career and still mourn the version of yourself who stayed.

Two things can be true at once. 🧩

WHEN YOUR CAREER WAS PART OF YOUR IDENTITY

For many professional women, particularly those who have spent years building expertise and credibility, work isn't simply something we do between breakfast and dinner.

It becomes part of our identity.

“I’m an HR Director.”

“I’m a solicitor.”

“I’m a teacher.”

“I’m a senior leader.”

“I’m the person everyone comes to when things go wrong.”

Take away the job title and suddenly there can be a rather uncomfortable silence.

Who am I now?

Caroline Adams Coaching explores this beautifully in “Your Career and ... Grief?”, explaining that career transitions can involve grieving who we used to be, the life we had, unmet expectations, unrealised dreams and even the career path we thought would make us happy. She also makes an important point: pushing feelings aside and simply powering forward can become exhausting.

For high-achieving women, this can be particularly tricky. We're often brilliant at getting things done. Feelings? Less convenient. Put them in a drawer. Label the drawer “Deal With Later”. Continue being productive.

Except emotions are terrible tenants. They don't actually leave when you stop looking at them.

WHY “JUST MOVE ON” IS RUBBISH ADVICE

When your career changes unexpectedly, you may hear:

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“Look at this as an opportunity.”

“You'll find something better.”

“Just keep yourself busy.”

These statements are usually well intentioned. They can also be spectacularly unhelpful.

You don't have to find the silver lining before you've acknowledged that something hurts. Grief isn't a productivity problem. You cannot spreadsheet your way through every emotional transition. 📊

And you don't need to turn your redundancy into an inspirational LinkedIn post by lunchtime.

Give yourself permission to say:

“This is hard.”

“I miss what I had.”

“I don't know what happens next.”

“I thought my career would look different by now.”

Those aren't statements of failure. They are statements of reality.

THE CAREER PAUSE IS NOT A CAREER FAILURE

One of the most useful things you can do after an unexpected change is pause.

Not permanently.

Not indefinitely.

Pause long enough to work out what has actually happened.

Ask yourself:

What have I lost?

What am I grieving?

What am I relieved about?

What am I frightened of?

What do I miss?

What do I absolutely not want to repeat?

And perhaps the biggest question:

What do I need now?

You might discover that you're not ready to leap straight into another role. That's information, not failure.

You might need to rebuild confidence before applying for jobs. You might need time to work out whether you want another leadership position. You might realise that flexibility has suddenly become more important than salary. Or that your definition of success has completely changed.

Don't rush to replace the old career before understanding why it stopped working.

BUILDING A CAREER THAT FITS THE NEW YOU

Grief can eventually create space for questions you previously didn't have the courage, time or inclination to ask.

What matters to me now?

What kind of environment brings out my best?

What am I no longer prepared to tolerate?

What strengths have I developed through everything I've experienced?

What would a successful working life look like if I stopped trying to impress everyone else?

Caroline Adams describes a later stage of grief as reconstruction or reorganisation, connecting it with finding purpose and meaning. In career terms, that can mean realigning work with your values, priorities and the things that matter most to you.

That doesn't mean pretending the loss was a blessing. It means deciding what you want to build next. And that distinction is important.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE

If you're returning to work after bereavement, your career may feel strangely unfamiliar even if your job hasn't changed.

Vanitha Sugumaran's 2022 LinkedIn article, “Life goes on: Managing your career after loss and grief”, offers a powerful personal account of returning to work after her husband's sudden death. She describes how everyday professional activities became difficult, how her confidence was affected, and how supportive management, flexibility and trusted colleagues helped her gradually regain her footing.

Her experience also highlights something important for anyone navigating career change after loss: you are allowed to rethink your career.

You might stay.

You might step back.

You might change direction completely.

There isn't a gold star for choosing the option that looks most impressive on paper.

There is only the question of what works for you now.

A FEW SMALL STEPS WHEN EVERYTHING FEELS BIG

If you're somewhere in the messy middle, forget about solving your entire career this week.

Try these instead:

🌱 Create a simple daily routine. Structure can be surprisingly comforting when everything else feels uncertain.

📝 Keep a “what I know” list. Write down your skills, achievements, values and things you're proud of. Your career hasn't vanished because one chapter ended.

🤝 Tell one trusted person what you actually need. Sometimes that's advice. Sometimes it's simply someone who can sit beside the uncertainty without trying to fix it.

🧭 Separate “must have” from “nice to have”. Your next career move doesn't need to recreate your previous life.

⏸️ Give yourself permission to pause. A pause can be preparation, not procrastination.

And if grief is overwhelming, persistent or affecting your ability to function, seek appropriate professional support. Career coaching can help with direction and decision-making, but it isn't a substitute for therapy or specialist bereavement support.

YOUR NEXT CHAPTER DOESN'T HAVE TO LOOK LIKE THE LAST ONE

Perhaps the most uncomfortable truth about career change is also the most hopeful one:

You don't have to become the person you were before everything changed.

You can become someone new.

Someone with different priorities.

Different boundaries.

Different ambitions.

Perhaps even a different definition of success.

Your career may have changed before you were ready. That doesn't mean you're behind. It means you're standing at a point in the story you didn't necessarily choose.

You don't have to sprint towards the next chapter. You can pause. You can grieve. You can question. You can gather yourself.

And when you're ready, you can start writing what comes next. ✨

If your career has changed because life changed first, you don't have to figure everything out alone. At Pause & Empower, career coaching offers a confidential space to make sense of where you are, explore what you want next and turn a period of uncertainty into a clearer way forward.

Sometimes the most empowering career move isn't rushing forward. It's giving yourself permission to pause.

#pauseandempower #careerchange #careercoaching #griefatwork #midlifecareers